On yesterday, I had a moment where I fell victim to Erica’s time.
And let me just say this, I struggle, I grow weak, I encounter difficulties so when I reach out for encouragement, it’s not that I don’t practice what I preach, but because I’m human and even the strongest person needs an ear sometimes and simply needs to hear everything will be alright….even though he/she already knows everything will be alright.
But anyway, I sat at my desk yesterday and reflected on life and as I did, I found a list of goals I had set for myself six years ago, at age 22. As I perused this list, I noticed that I had also put in parenthesis the age where I would accomplish each goal.
When I came to the end of the list, I noticed that I had accomplished each goal and at the age I said I would. The last goal on my list was, “Obtain a doctoral degree (30-31)”…
Okay, I’m 28, will be 29 in June so basically, I have 2 years to get this completed…
and then what…..
On yesterday, I asked myself, “After that’s accomplished, “What’s next?”
And that’s where it all started…
All my life, I’ve put myself on this schedule. “By this age, I will have finished this. By next year, this will be completed. By next month, I can scratch that off.”
Now that I’ve scratched basically everything off my list, the question is what else do I want….and as I sat and thought for a moment I realized that the last two goals or things I want to accomplish are …..1.Have a FULFILLING marriage. 2. Have children.
Those two things are definitely attainable but the problem for me is I can’t put an age in parenthesis beside either……simply because this won’t happen in Erica’s time, but in God’s time!
…..and that’s where this discouragement and frustration set in…..not because I doubt that God is going to do those things for me, but because I don’t know when…..completely opposite of other goals I’ve set in the past.
(And let me just say this, I could marry and be pregnant by next week if I wanted to but it wouldn’t be MY husband….and it’ll end just like the first one. A lot of us are married to someone else’s husband and we don’t even know it. I’m not saying that to be mean but to be honest and also speaking from experience. I married a man who was not my husband because that’s what WE wanted. Long story short- We divorced! God is not going to help you along a path He didn’t choose for you and he is not obligated to bless what he did not initiate.)
I was at work yesterday and couldn’t get to my closet, but oh boy when I did, God spoke to me so vividly!
As I meditated on scripture and sat in silence, He began to speak.
“Erica, I’m preparing this husband and child(ren) for you but in the meantime, I need you to shift your focus. Instead of trying to put Me on a timeline, focus on getting prepared to receive your husband and child. Ask Me to show you areas that need the ‘preparation.'”
Immediately, I began to pray!
“Lord, prepare me for MY husband and children and grant me patience in the process…..”
Now, you can take two lessons away from this.
Lesson 1: Patience- God’s timing, not my timing! Very simple!
Lesson 2: See, we go throughout life wanting this and wanting that, accomplishing this and accomplishing that, but the most fulfilling things in life can’t be accomplished but rather given… as gifts from God.
So we can work our butts off, stress, cry, scream, jump up and down, fall into self- pity like Idid yesterday, but that’s not going to make it come any sooner! That just makes the process more agonizing!
I know it’s difficult sometimes, but trust Him! Abraham and Sarah waited years and years and years to bear a child, but it happened! God’s promises don’t come with a timeline, only FAITH!
Don’t fall victim to “Your Time.” Wait on God’s timing!